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God Is So Good, Even In Tragedy

My world changed the day my son was born, January 14, 2006. I had trusted God to do as he wills with my son since the very beginning of my pregnancy. I had threatened to miscarry, had gestational diabetes and prayed that God would allow whatever He willed for me and my baby. Luckily, I carried him to term and went into labor. However, I began bleeding profusely during labor and was forced to have an emergency c-section due to placental abruption. 

My son, Ethan Amari, was born at 6:34am and wasn't breathing. The doctors bagged him and said they would be transporting him to the NICU to be on the ventilator and because he was deprived of oxygen, he probably had brain damage, but a new procedure called a "cooling cap" could help reduce the brain damage. He was transferred to U of M.

My husband called David Town from Church a couple hours after Ethan was born and asked for prayer. I wouldn't stop bleeding and had to have a blood transfusion. And the complications from the delivery began. Within hours, several Crossroaders were at both hospitals, praying for all of us. For the next four days Ethan and I were at separate hospitals receiving intense care. 

My doctor was a Crossroader, lab techs belonged to Crossroads. A Crossroader set up a website which allowed people to send messages to us about prayer and well wishes (There were over 16 pages of messages). Another Crossraoder emailed the congregation about our condition and asked for prayer. Another Crossroader loaned their vehicle to my husband to drive from hospital to hospital. Several Crossroaders ran errands for us, paid for our gas, lunch, etc. Others, just placed hundreds of dollars in our suitcases. 

There was a prayer vigil held between services at church for us. And several Crossroaders visited with me while I lay without my baby on the maternity ward. Others stayed with my husband and helped him get into the Ronald McDonald House, others updated the website, others took pictures of Ethan and brought me the photos so I could see him at 2 am. Another brought us Bibles and devotionals. There are probably more that I am not remembering right now. 

I was finally able to leave the local hospital and go to see my son for the first time 4 days after he was born. After seeing him hooked up to monitors, we were told that he was probably wouldn't make it much longer. The next day we were told he was brain dead and needed to decide to remove him from life support. 

Someone called and gathered a group of Crossroaders to be with us as we let our child die. Pastors Scott and Kyle as well as 20+ Crossroaders came to U of M to pray for us and support us during our most difficult hour. As we were about to remove him from life support, the Lord saw how hard it was for us to do it and allowed him to die on his own without our intervention.

I held my 5 day old son as he left my arms into the arms of Jesus. And a peace fell over us almost immediately. We left the room and went into a waiting room where the people of Crossroads were still waiting and praying for us. 

Throughout the next month, Crossroads took care of us, finacially, emotionally, spritually. Over 200 people attended Ethan's funeral, many of which were fellow Crossroaders. 

I became a part of a support group called Tiny Purpose which was started by a Crossroader who also had lost an infant. Renee Bangerter helped me each step of the way and was the first woman to visit me in the hospital when he was born and the last to leave when he died. 

I am forever grateful for my Crossroads family. Their support continues and their love is genuine. I remember asking God to do as he wills for us and although what he willed wasn't what I would have willed, He "works all things together for good". 

I believe that Ethan was born and died to allow me to share this story. To allow me to glorify God. Because God alone is worthy. And the people of Crossroads displayed God's love and mercy and grace and pulled together to love on a family in crisis. Thanks you so much to my Crossroads family. I love you all. 

My world changed the day my son was born, and it allowed me to realize that no matter what I go through, there is a family, God's family, to be there with me. 

Sunshine